What to talk about on a first date: 40 topics, situation by situation

What to talk about on a first date? Start with what you can both enjoy in the moment: how you each got there, food and drink, the week you've had, what you do with your spare evenings. Then follow whatever she lights up about. The best topic is rarely clever; it's the one that gets her telling you something she cares about, while you listen properly and ask the next question.

Below are 40 topics, grouped by situation: texting, the date itself, the phone, a stalled chat, and later on when you know each other better. Use them as prompts, not a script. A list only helps if you know how to keep a topic alive, so the last section covers that.

The one rule: ask about what interests her

Most awkward conversations fail for the same reason: both people are busy managing how they come across. You rehearse a funny line, she wonders whether she's answering well, and nobody is curious about anyone.

Flip it. Treat the conversation as a small piece of detective work about her. What does she enjoy? What makes her lose track of time? What was her week actually like? People warm to anyone who is plainly interested in them. You don't need to be witty or impressive. You need to be attentive.

A practical test: after you speak, did she get something easy to pick up and run with? "I'm obsessed with this series" gives her very little. "Have you watched anything that properly hooked you lately?" gives her a way in.

Two habits help throughout:

• Ask open questions. "How was your week?" can be answered with one word. "What was the best bit of your week?" can't.
• Share a little back. An interview feels like an interview. Answer your own question briefly after she has answered it, so it's a swap and not a quiz.

By text: 8 topics that make her want to reply

Texting is where many conversations die, mostly because the messages give the other person nothing to answer. Keep it light, specific and easy.

• Something from her profile or an earlier message. A detail she mentioned, such as a walk, a band or a dog, shows you read it.
• Her weekend plans. "Anything good planned, or is it a sofa and a takeaway kind of Saturday?"
• A small, harmless choice. Tea or coffee, beach or hills, chips with gravy or without. Playful debates are easy to join.
• Food she loves. Everyone has an opinion on the best Sunday roast or the chippy that never lets them down.
• A place she'd return to. "Where's the best place you've been for a weekend away?"
• Something funny from your day. A short story about a delayed train or a pub quiz disaster, ending in a question.
• Her work, lightly. Not "what do you do?" but "what's the most interesting part of your job?"
• A recommendation swap. Ask for a podcast, programme or album, and offer one back.

Keep each message short. Once a good run of texts is flowing, think about moving to a call or a meeting; texting vs calling explains when to make that switch.

What to talk about on a first date: 8 topics beyond small talk

On the date itself, the weather and "so, how do you know..." only carry you so far. Aim for topics that tell you who she is, with a bit of warmth.

• How she got here. The journey, the neighbourhood, whether she's been to this pub or café before.
• What she'd order, and why. Food gives you instant, low-stakes opinions and stories.
• Where she grew up. The village, estate or city she left, and what she misses about it.
• What she does when she isn't working. Hobbies, clubs, a five-a-side team, a choir, a long-running project.
• Her best recent weekend. It reveals what she enjoys without feeling like an interview.
• Travel, near or far. A coastal town, a festival, a trip that went wrong in a funny way.
• Something she's looking forward to. It puts her in a good mood and shows you what excites her.
• The story behind something she's wearing or carrying. Only if it's natural, such as a badge, a book or a tattoo she's happy to explain.

For the rest of the evening, from the pub to the goodbye, first date tips sets out seven plain rules.

On the phone: 8 topics that work by voice

A phone call strips away everything except words and tone. There's no face to read, so topics that invite a story do best, and short pauses are normal.

• Her day, in detail. "What was the best part of today?" followed by an honest follow-up.
• A song stuck in her head. It's easy to describe and often leads somewhere unexpected.
• Her favourite way to spend a rainy day. Different answers, different personalities.
• The best meal she's had recently. People enjoy describing food out loud.
• A childhood memory. Seaside holidays, a family tradition at Christmas, her gran's kitchen.
• Something she's learning. A language, a recipe, a new route for her run.
• A place she'd like to wake up in tomorrow. It's playful and invites imagination.
• What she'd do with a spare Saturday. No plans, no pressure, just her preferences.

On the phone, let her finish. A one-second gap is not a disaster; it's usually someone thinking.

When the conversation runs dry: 8 ways to restart

Every chat hits a lull. It doesn't mean it has gone badly. Calmly picking a thread back up is a skill, and awkward silence explains why these moments feel far worse than they look.

• Return to something earlier. "You mentioned your sister's wedding. How did it go?"
• Ask what she meant. "You said that job was 'an education'. What did you learn?"
• Notice something around you. The music, the people at the next table, the view from the window.
• Share a small thought. "I was just thinking how odd it is that..." then hand it over.
• Play a quick either/or. Mountains or sea, early bird or night owl, sweet or savoury.
• Ask for advice. "I'm trying to choose a holiday for the summer. Any ideas?" People like being asked.
• Admit the pause. "I've just lost my train of thought, give me a second" is charming, not weak.
• Change the setting. A walk, another drink, a different seat. A new space often restarts things.

Once you're comfortable: 8 deeper topics

When laughter comes easily and she's asking you questions too, you can go further. Pace matters: go deeper only if she seems to want to.

• What she's proud of. Not just work; maybe a friendship, a skill, a hard year she got through.
• What a good life looks like to her. Big or small, it's revealing.
• People who shaped her. A teacher, a gran, a friend who changed her mind about something.
• Something she changed her mind about. It shows how she thinks and invites you to share your own.
• What she'd try if she weren't worried about failing. A kind and encouraging question.
• How she recharges. Company, quiet, long baths, a long drive.
• Her ideal ordinary day. Often more telling than any dream holiday.
• What she's learning about herself. Only when trust is already there, and be ready to share something in return.

If she hesitates, don't push. A gentle "we can talk about something else" says a lot about your character.

Topics to leave alone early on

Some subjects aren't forbidden; they just tend to land badly when you barely know each other.

• Ex-partners. One brief mention is fine. A long story isn't.
• Money and what things cost. It can sound like judgement.
• Heavy politics and religion. Interesting later, divisive early.
• Complaining about your job or flatmates. A little humour is fine; a rant is draining.
• Her appearance as a topic. A sincere, brief compliment is one thing; dwelling on looks is another.
• Interrogating her plans. "Where do you see this going?" is a question for much later.
• Anything that sounds like a test. Trick questions make people defensive.
• Overly intimate questions. If you wouldn't ask a colleague, wait.

The technique that beats any list

A topic is only a starting point. What keeps a conversation alive is what you do with the answer. One simple approach: listen, pick out one detail, ask about it.

Say she mentions she spent the weekend walking in the Peak District. You could ask where she walked, but better to ask about something she revealed: "Do you usually go with friends or on your own?" That question comes from her answer, so it feels natural and shows you were listening.

A few ways to keep a thread going:

• Ask "what was that like?" It invites a story, not a fact.
• Ask "why" with warmth, not suspicion: "What got you into that?"
• Link it to your own experience in a sentence or two, then ask her again.
• Let the silence breathe. Often the best part of the answer arrives after a pause.

Practice makes this easier. Try it with friends, colleagues, someone in a queue, or even out loud when you're alone, which sounds odd but helps you hear how you phrase things.

A quiet word on practice

If talking to someone new makes you tense, rehearsing conversation somewhere low-pressure can help. Covmod is a conversation service for adults, and you can read more about it on the Covmod site. Calls aren't open in the UK yet, so for now the best practice is the everyday kind: a chat with a neighbour, a friend, or the person next to you at the bar.